It's complicated

Minggu lepas, saya balik kampung lagi sebab kakak jiran belakang rumah saya kahwin. Jadi topik 'bila giliran hang nak kahwin?" pasti muncul. Sebab umur kakak jiran ialah 27 tahun, sebaya dengan saya dan dia dah kahwin tapi saya belum.

Saya sedar saya dah tua.

Saya dah senja.

Ah, saya tension sampai jerawat tumbuh kat kedua-dua belah pipi saya, dekat dengan hidung pulak tu. Sakit betul.

Mak asked me if I've a girlfriend and I said yes. Well, practically, we chat almost everyday and we've dated once. I named her P. We've met for three months. Saya jatuh hati dengan dia sebab ideologi dia dan dia comel tapi dia kecik. Saya rasa memang susah nak dapatkan calon isteri yang berkaki panjang. Well, beggar can't choose anyway.

Anyway *sekali lagi*, I realize she has a tendency of being dominant. Though she always gives me support and cares lots and lots about me, yesterday was another story.

We discussed about our future. She already planned to further her study in UK next year. She did invite me to join her but I'm not ready. Saya tak nak tinggalkan mak bila dia sedang di hujung usia, bila dia perlukan sokongan anak-anak. Last time, saya pernah nampak dia berkerut muka bila saya cakap saya nak sambung belajar ke Australia. Mak berat hati nak lepaskan saya pergi. Jadi saya tak jadi sambung.

But P said she got to do what she got to do. She ain't bother others.

Nampaknya misi saya untuk berkahwin sebelum umur 32 tahun masih belum tercapai.

In the meantime, I'm still thinking of F. She's the benchmark for my potential wife. I'm comparing her with P. Walaupun saya rasa saya lebih mengenali P berbanding F, tapi hati saya lebih kepada F sebenarnya.

I think F already has a boyfriend. I don't know, because she never answer my question.

Hurmmmpphh...

It's complicated.

I hope she loves me.

I'm still alive, yo!

I think I've to write an entry dengan harapan famili saya tahu yang saya masih hidup hehe. Saya lose communication dengan diorang. Akak, sila baca entry ni.

So last weekends I spent my time at kampung and went back to KL yesterday but I forgot to call mak to inform her that I already arrived. Sebab mak akan risau everytime I drive balik KL sorang diri. This was my third time driving to KL. Last two weeks, from Bagan Serai, my sister's house. Dia pun suruh call after I reached KL. Sebab risau budak tak matang nak drive ke KL yang hiruk pikuk tu seorang diri. Alhamdulillah, I'm still survive, babeh.

Since semalam terlupa nak telefon mak, so I decided to call her this morning tapi telefon buat hal. Sampai sekarang tak boleh nak on. So for the whole day saya tak dapat apa-apa panggilan, or even I myself can't make a phone call.

Memang la, Syahmi. Dah kau tak on kan phone tu, genius!

I admit I feel the freedom without phone, anyhow. Hehe.

Tapi esok nak pergi ke Mydin and find a spare phone for emergency. I'm thinking of Nokia 3310. Ada jual lagi ke?

Anyway, on Sunday, me and mak visited abang and his family kat Manjung. I played along with his girls. And one of them asked me:

"Cakmin nak main teka-teki tak?"

"Ooo... Okey. Jom la."

"Okey. Teka-teki dia macam ni: Bacakan doa ketika melawat orang sakit."

"......."

Nobody knows

I'm almost approaching the phase of 30's. Yet, I've a mind of a 15 years old guy and I'm not talking in the sense of maturity here. Actually, I have a memory age test apps in my phone. So that's how I know I'm 15.

Well, actually I admit 15 could be my level of maturity also. Sekarang saya dah semakin dewasa. Kena pandai buat keputusan sendiri, pelan untuk masa depan, pelan dengan siapa kita nak hidup sampai ke tua nanti. Tapi saya rasa belum bersedia.

The thing is I don't have any. Or, I have but it didn't work accordingly. Let's say I'm a lousy planner and bad action taker.

Let's look at the past *here comes the Ghost from the Past*. While I was at my final year degree, I planned to further my study at Masters level. I did applied both overseas and locals, but I learned the reality of this world. Lagi awal saya masuk ke alam pekerjaan, lebih banyak pengalaman yang saya dapat, lebih senang saya naik pangkat. Sebenarnya belajar sampai peringkat tinggi sangat pun belum tentu boleh menjamin masa depan yang senang.

Mind you, my statement might be wrong, though. Because one's size never fits others.

Then after I entered the working atmosphere, my plan again changed. I was supposed to buy a house first, otherwise I got a new car, practically.

The point is my plan always changes and I'm afraid of the domino's effect. Consequently, one effect will affect another effect. Saya tak nampak jalan saya.

Macam kita sampai di hujung jalan yang ada dua lorong, which road you would've taken? The right path or the left path? You might reach at the same point at the end, or you might not. It could be that you might be at the farthest point between each other. So nobody knows.

But we have God.

Usaha, tawakkal dan takdir yang mengubah hidup kita.

Okey lah. Layan mood untuk berkaraoke dulu. Bila saya stress selalu dengar lagu ni. Dah simpan dalam playlist, sekali dengan lagu Monte from Zee Avi yang saya postkan kat entry sebelum ni.


Bye!

Everytime I feel sorrow...

"Life has given me obstacles

still I bite my tongue say it's wonderful..."

Confessions of a not so competent driver who drives in KL

1. I drove from Alor Pongsu to KL for 5 hours all by myself*insert Celine Dion's song here*

2. I was lost while trying to go to my sister's house, here in KL. Mine to hers only takes 5 minutes. Nasib baik sesat setengah jam je. *Nasib baik ke?* T_T

3. I google-ed the phrase 'I was lost' just to make sure that I won't make a grammatical error. In addition, I always get confuse between the words 'loose' and 'lose'. The latter has more meanings. Hence making me more and more confuse.

4. Dah sampai rumah kakak, but I made a big mistake that I can't forgive myself. Parkings at her place are full so I'd to keluar and cari parking dekat flat belakang. At a T-junction, an MPV wanted to go straight (imagine a T, that car was from the top left point, I was at the middle, bottom point). Tiba-tiba dia berhenti in the middle tapi saya perasan dia tak bagi signal nak masuk ke kanan, to my side. So I assumed the car wanted to go straight. TAPI...TAPI, kenapa dia tak jalan terus? Kenapa dia berhenti? I was so confident it was the driver's priority to take the road until he/she stop. So I wondered was I'm the one who had to move first?

So I made a turn.

Bam! Bam!

No, there was no accident. It was just a sound of my stupidity... The car also moved at the same time actually. That's just my luck! Lagi sikit nak kena langgar. Merely!

Thanks Allah for saving my life. T_T

Overall, the blame should be put on me. I learnt from my mistake.

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